Wednesday, November 17, 2004

The Jewish Gastronomic Factor 2

MONDAY

Parents come round to bring dog back.
I go down to meet them outside bcs they’re in a hurry.
Mother takes one swift look at me and gasps: “Dear God, how PALE you look!”

It's 21.40.


TUESDAY

Phone rings. Mother on the line:

“Hallo sweetie, do you feel tired?”
“Hallo Mother, fine thank you and you?”
“Oh I’m serious, tell me!”
“No I do not feel tired.”
"...*heavy sigh*...”
”…”
“And are you sleeping well?”
“Yes I am. [NO, THE BIG “I” IS BACK]”
“…*heavy sigh*...”
“…”
“What have you eaten today?”


WEDNESDAY (noon)

“Hallo dahling, it’s Mother. I’ve cooked a few things, nothing much of course. Gizzards. And chicken feet - home range chicken, that is. I could bring them to you when I go pick up your father. Would you like some?”


WEDNESDAY (evening)

L.
requests the pleasure of [insert your name here]'s company, at her stylish buffet, to be held throughout the entire month. R.S.V.P. Black tie affair. Said buffet to include kale soup [caldo verde - porkless], rice, chicken soup, many green bananas, plain soy yoghurts, vanilla soy yoghurts, wild berries soy yoghurts, gizzards galore and many a chicken foot AND all the rest of the animal(s) - body parts still need to be counted but this chicken may in fact be a triumvirate. All leftovers will be donated. If you’re a Thirld World Country please fill in your application at www.mother-knows-best.com. The 20-page essay is optional.

------------------------------------------------
NOTE: remember my gizzardy almost-accident? Alright. Mother’s gizzards? MINE ARE MUCH TASTIER!

I
kick ass.

Lioness, Queen of the Poultry Innards. *curtsey*

----------------------------------------------------

Gizzards and Liver Recipe

Buy some. Remove the fat. Sprinkle with a bit of salt and rosemary. Give them a stretch in the microwave. [Sorry, bad pun, “dar uma esticada no micro-ondas”] Put them in the microwave for abt, oof, 5 min? Till they’re fully cooked. While they’re cooking, heat some olive oil [EXTRA VIRGIN olive oil. Do NOT defile my Southern heritage by using something else, *shudder*], add cloves of garlic and onions, let them turn a bit brown, add cooked gizzards and liver, give them a stretch [we've discussed this], let them turn palatably crisp, ADD VINEGAR, done. If you add almost cooked rice it will taste delicious [turn somewhere else for rice recipes, if I could cook rice I’d almost NOT need a man].

Another version for the non-kosher among you (I’d guess pretty much everyone who reads me) - but wait, this one will SURELY horrify the Anglo-Saxons and maybe some others as well. You’ve been warned. So, in this version you add blood (which you can get for free here in little packs you can freeze) to the gizzards/liver and previously cooked rice, it will taste like Arroz de Cabidela. Which I vaguely remember. [*sigh*] Looks awful, tastes wonderful (but DO NOT forget the vinegar, key ingredient).

[NOTE I: blood needs to thaw before being used, otherwise - can you spell clotting?]

[NOTE II: Innards store more toxic substances than plain muscle, make sure meat is safe.]

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2 Comments:

At 24/11/04 01:45, Blogger CarpeDM said...

Oh my God! I can leave a comment! Yay!

Your mom amuses me so much.

I will grant you the Queen of Poultry Innards title. But I'm still the Queen of the Universe. Don't try taking over my universe, dang it! And stay away from my Green Duckies (yes, they are frogs but still, you could be confused by their name and try to eat their gizzards. And that would be wrong).

 
At 5/7/05 18:50, Blogger Serialangel said...

Bloood?

*dies*

 

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