Monday, January 30, 2006

Nether here

E., just now, looking at the cat curled up on the sofa with a very puzzled expression on his face:

E.: What is that? Is that her vagina or her bum?

Me: If anything, that'd be her vulva but -
E.: *panicked* WHAT?? She doesn't have a vagina??

[enter mirth]

E.: What?? In cats it's a triangle isn't it, that's the vagina. You know how it looks right? It goes like this: *makes descriptive hand gestures in all seriousness* Must I draw it for you?

[unmitigated mirth]

E.: What?? Why are you still laughing? Stop it. Stop laughing.


E.: What are you writing now? Oh don't be childish.


Sunday, January 29, 2006

Snowing in Lisbon

I ask you! HOW???

Very bad news I'm afraid, very bad cold wave, there's no central heating in our houses, in our schools, buses - AT ALL. I'm freezing here, can't imagine the poor things up North [actually, just found out it's colder in Lisbon]. People will die, people will surely die. It's heartbreaking


It's truly bad, it's snowing in the deep South, it's snowing in coastal towns, it snowed on my parents on their drive back from the beach, the snow will turn to ice, Porties don't know how to drive anyway, add snow and ice - expect madness and casualties. And all I can think of is the elderly, the ones who receive a pension of 100 Euros a month and can barely stay alive, the ones who often starve to deah out of pride , bcs they do not want to say they are hungry and dehydrate so fast, the ones who are alone and have trouble moving and live in decrepit houses. And the homeless, I hope the tube is left open for them.

And because I have a stupid exam tomorrow, and a stupid exam on Wednesday, and a stupid exam on Friday, I cannot even drive around w hot, sugar-loaded tea, cannot try and find extra blankets to distribute among our very own who live inside cardboad boxes on doorsteps of our lovely, bountiful city, more than you would believe, all I can do is wring my hands and foul-mouthedly curse those who think their actions, ecologically speaking, affect none, not even them, those who do not care abt what world their children and grandchildren will leave behind, those who view such concerns as paranoia, lack of proper education and evidence of lefty beliefs.

WELL. I cannot stand the communists and am as fine and sane and educated a snob as you could ever hope to find - and I DO care, and I DO worry, and it's MY water you're fouling, it's MY air you're thickening, it's MY natural resources you're depleting, it's MY health you're harming, the earth is round and exceedingly small in some vital matters, you bloody self-absorbed, navel-centric, minor pan-lords .

This is a disaster, futuristically speaking, I cannot believe this. This is frightening. How are we as a country ever going to be able to handle such humungous weather changes?

Long Live Laika, yes?

Wednesday, January 25, 2006


I finally did it!

I bloody shagging sodding fucking did it!

Not only did I actually manage to be there for a change, but - I PASSED BONES!

Bones, Bones, bones, bones, bones!!

It feels even better than this - and believe me, it felt fabulous!


I PASSED BONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I tore all the stupid, imbecilic, inane pages into small pieces and let them fly out my car window, all of them, not bothered abt littering for once, I needed to be cleansed of all the rubbish and IT FELT SO BLOODY BRILLIANT, who cares if the transversal process of the 6th cervical almost has a ridge instead of a blade-like ventral surface, who gives a bloody damn abt the shape of the sacrum in all species, in what demented world will I need to know how to assemble carpal bones for fuck's sake, and what good will knowing 19 very long and deranged anatomic laws and principles and how many types of rays fish fins have and how they are [2, dull] ever do, and I will try my utmost to forget abt the stupid mesoplagiomeric and mesacromeric and meselcsimeric planes and how their segments and what have you are SO VERY HELPFUL IN DESCRIBING HERMAPHRODITES (sic) and also VERY HANDY TO DEFINE FISH FILETS (sic)- the Theory bit was all bollocks and perfectly useless and dreadful to memorise, the Practical-Theoretic exam (learning ALL things boney abt 9 sodding species, Chicken included) almost had me in tears, the Practical oral exams throughout the semester were a nightmare, I look frightful, have been underslept for ages, am utterly knackered and always short of time, am more than a bit dense with exhaustion and actually forgot my own name a few days ago - but IT'S OVER.

Two exams down, ten more to go.


Saturday, January 21, 2006

As good as it gets and that ain't saying much

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Lioness!

  1. Lioness will always turn right when leaving a cave.
  2. In Eastern Africa you can buy beer brewed from Lioness.
  3. Only twelve people have ever set foot on Lioness.
  4. The canonical hours of the Christian church are matins, lauds, prime, terce, sext, none, Lioness and compline!
  5. Ancient Chinese artists would never paint pictures of Lioness.
  6. If you lick Lioness ten times, you will consume one calorie!
  7. Lioness can use only about ten percent of her brain.
  8. It takes more than 500 peanuts to make Lioness!
  9. Lioness can be found on a Cluedo board between the Library and the Conservatory.
  10. Antarctica is the only continent without Lioness!
I am interested in - do tell me about

1) , and yet she gets lost every time
2) but it tastes meaty
3) but she insisted on them wearing a sock
4) , this is her way of boycotting the Catholic Church since she can’t find the switch
5) because she doesn’t much care for ethnic art
6) and more than your fair share of phucking DNA
7) on a VERY good day
8) , she calls them Dozers. They're happy peanuts.
9) putting up posters against Kosher food
10) and it shall remain so bcs it’s too bloody cold for as long as global warming sees fit to keep ice more than a memory.
10.1.) Thinking of drowning bears and starving penguins is making Lioness feel ill and laika-ish all over again so this will be it. Lioness is fine but still very inadequate with words and reading and keeping up in general, plus Lioness has exams Mon, Tue, Wed, Fri; then Mon, Wed, Thur, Fri; then Mon, 2 on Tue, 2 on Wed, and Thur, and then maybe rinse and repeat – so, Lioness is out of here again, where it doesn’t feel as home as much as it should but this too shall pass [and there is that Kosher horror thing that needs to be discussed] and fortunately there’s no time to worry abt this so Lioness leaves you w a word from our sponsors:

In the year 2006 I resolve to:

Sell myself on ebay.

Get your resolution here

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

(Still no words,

but they have them.

Oh d thye hev thm.

I ADORE them.)