PLAPHORA ©

I have been neglecting my plaphora and it deserves to be etherised. This is how plaphora came to be.

I was talking to an American friend who speaks Portuguese but needs to practice. It was one of those bilingual conversations involving 3 people. I think it was smack in the middle of an insomnia bout - the problem with insomnia is that your synapses are the first to go and you end up with a fair amount of amnesia surrounding different periods of your life even if you were sleeping during some of them. So have a care.

Another problem is that whenever I start speaking several languages at once something always goes awry (yet another funny thing is that there are words I use but have never heard spoken. Say, “albeit”. Because of German, I convinced myself it’s pronounced “I’ll bite” - instead of “al-be-it”. Imagine my dismay and the listener’s glee. But that’s a whole different post). I will sometimes use a word from one language with the accent of another and be very surprised when I’m blankly stared at. I find myself thinking in English often even when I’m alone (i.e. no visitors) but the mental verbal transition sometimes create problems. Wires get crossed and I find myself saying the most astonishing things. Even in Portuguese, which is beyond humiliating since I can’t stand native speakers badly speaking their languages (When foreigners do it it’s cute - except for when I’m the foreigner, then we’re back to the pride issue again).

So we were in the car and - we’ve just entered another fuzzy area, please bear with me - and I was trying to translate a word for her, I think. It came out as a cross between “plétora” (plethora) and “metáfora” (metaphor). PLAPHORA. (Accent on “pla”. Obviously.)

It immediately came of age on its own and we watched it soar. I wiped a discreet tear. And now I can say the whole thing is plaphora [nonsense, distasteful, unpleasant]. I can curse the blasted plaphorisms one hears on occasion. I’m plaphored at times [disgusted, outraged, hurt, devastated]. Funnily enough, Thesaurus is not convinced - and that is a bit plaphorous, wouldn't you say?

It works in English + French + German/Dutch + Scandinavian languages, I should think (Plaphora; to plaphor + plaforer + plaphoren/ + need help); Portuguese (Pláfora; plaforar) + Spanish (Plafora; idem) + Italian (idem; plaforare); and even Hebrew (plaforah; Le'hitplafer)!

Isn’t it the most excellent little word???

NOTE: plaphora has been copyrighted along with whole blog. You're very welcome to use it, but if you appropriate it, I'll hurt you badly in every sense of the word - and you'll be plaphored before you know it. Ha.