Thursday, January 20, 2005

I want to thank my director, my agent, my family and God

Oh I want to thank God SO MUCH for making me an American, a true worshipper of the one and only God there is, I don’t care what the minorities have to say. I want to thank Him for making me white and Christian, just imagine, but for His Grace I could have been a heathen! I don’t believe for a moment that there are people still starving here, and the homeless and the unemployed, I mean, there ARE lovely houses and jobs everywhere, maybe they shouldn’t be greedy when looking for one, maybe they should try THAT little bit harder? This is after all the greatest nation on earth, One Nation Under God, as I’ve just heard on TV.

I want to thank God for that beautiful ceremony, our President looked SO handsome in that rugged way of his, Laura looked just DIVINE but I couldn’t see the twins? They will make their Mommy and Daddy so proud one day! Oh but it brings tears to my eyes! I am so thankful to God that we can spend MILLIONS on this lovely celebration, it’s so uplifting and will do so much for our troops’ moral, and people have been spreading all those nasty rumours about certain injuries not being counted as injuries of war, and discharged soldiers not being given any compensation, well, this will surely SHUT THEM UP, I don’t see how anyone can be against it frankly, we are already sending money to those needy, stinky people, and I mean, if they weren’t sinful God wouldn’t have chosen to punish them that way, remember Noah?, but I shouldn’t really be saying this, it’s not kind and I AM a kind person, just ask my bridge group, I go to Church every Sunday and sometimes during the week when I can and I even went to Africa one Summer when I was single to spread the word of Jesus among those poor negroes no, Blacks what’s the word nowadays, coloured? coloured people but they kept asking me for food, and going on and on about schooling and vaccination and hospitals and really that wasn’t very nice, they should be walking with Jesus, embracing him, Jesus will take care of all the details, He cannot be blamed if people don’t lead virtuous lives like those homossexuals, God have mercy and don’t repent, I CERTAINLY cannot, oh but this is bringing tears of JOY to my eyes, this is such a lovely ceremony, oh how the world must envy our greatness right now, I do believe I’ll even have a little sherry!

I also want to thank God for there being NO separation of Church and State, who ever heard of it, we need God in everything we do but, you know, the RIGHT ONE, because really, it’s all very good and fine but we KNOW what the TRUTH is don’t we, Jesus may have been born in the Middle East but he IS blond and blue-eyed, look in any textbook, we must support other cultures to help them see the errors of their ways, I mean, take this sentence I just heard, so beautiful, “Oh Lord, bless him, his family and his administration. I once again declare that no weapon against them shall prosper!”, well but this is very moving, I’m so pleased to see God invoked in the Capitol, and so right, we’ve showed them before what America is all about, just ask them Nipos, oops, *hiccup*, I do believe I am a little tipsy, please don’t for a moment think that I’m intolerant, I treat everyone exceedingly well, my church group is always complimenting me on my generosity, I always smile at the homeless in the most encouraging way, but you know, everyone has their proper place, God has a plan for everyone and there's only so much we can do, it IS His will, and see, that nice man thinks so as well, “We glorify and honour you, respecting people of all faiths I humbly submit this prayer in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.”, ohh so beautifully said, we will bring them SALVATION yet, you just wait, and what an elegant menu as well, crab and lobster, good thing the Greenbergs couldn’t make it there hee-hee, oops, but you know what I mean.

Most of all, I want to thank God because I know that if He could, He’d choose to be an American too. And that is so comforting to me in my darkest hour, so very comforting. GOD BLESS AMERICA!

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8 Comments:

At 20/1/05 20:31, Blogger brooksba said...

Johnny,

This was pretty much perfect. I did not watch any of the ceremony.

Have you ever noticed that when Laura Bush looks at a camera, there is nothing behind her eyes? She scares me because I don't think she has anything going on in her head.

I'm ashamed at how much money was spent on this ceremony. Ug.

Hugs,

Beth

 
At 21/1/05 08:35, Blogger Serialangel said...

Love the sarcasm. I couldn't have pulled it off as you did! Argh, Bush.
x

 
At 21/1/05 18:02, Blogger JoeinVegas said...

I always had a suspicion that you might be a Republican.

 
At 22/1/05 07:09, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG... having never read your blog before you had me seriously concerned about your mental state. Blessed be Gawd you were kidding!

Here in Canada all we heard about the 'crowning' was that there were MANY protesters out there, that GWB was fearing for his life big time with all the security measures, that the average American had no hope in hell of witnessing the 'parade' or festivities (paying customers only please..)and witnessed Jenna sloppily applying her lip gloss repeatedly while her father stressed, knowing the 4 of them were on camera. Ha. A little parental distress for a man who has sentenced over a thousand young sons and daughters to their deaths.

Come on up to Canada, the water may be cold but it is safe!

Amy

 
At 24/1/05 10:59, Blogger dan said...

wonderful post. great satire.

yes, americans are known around the world for always thanking THEIR god for protecting THEIR country, notice the British PM never does this, the French Pres never does this, the German chancellor never does this. Only in God-sickened America! Sad.

And on the Oscar's and Music awards broadcasts it's the same old shite. God god god. Do you think God gives one shit about who wins the fucking Oscars, you dummies! Get over it, America, there is no God, Jesus was false messiah, the entire messiah thing is superstitious nonsense from the ancient Hebrews, it's just US, against the forces of the universe. get used to it. But who is listening? Nobody. It's just you and me L!

 
At 24/1/05 11:29, Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://jewishblogniks.blogspot.com says thanks for your comments and welcome to our list, sure! SMILE.

 
At 26/1/05 19:52, Blogger CarpeDM said...

Loved this post. It was very sarcastic and funny. I can just imagine all of those damn Bush supporters smiling happily.

 
At 21/5/05 00:57, Blogger Candace said...

Imagine living here and not being one of them. Imagine working your butt off during the election time and missing time with your family, children, and friends to go knocking on doors, and imagine giving money to the sane choice, money you can sore afford to give away...and then it's lost. The bad guy wins, no one lives happily ever after, and apparently God does not love me.

It sucks.

 

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