Sunday, February 06, 2005

Pest Control - Part II (UPDATE)

[Read post below for Jewish rant. NOTE: The main bit of this post isn't abt me, it's abt things I've been noticing and disliking in the blogosphere. I use me simply to make a point.]

I’ve been thinking a lot abt blogging etiquette for the past few months. It started at first bcs of the links, I wasn’t sure what the proper way to do things was. I’ve since realised there is NO proper way. Blogging should above all BE FUN for anyone doing it, regardless of the seriousness of the subjects one chooses to address. By fun I mean it should impart a sense of well-being. If it doesn’t something’s wrong. As for links, I’ve now decided everyone has to know what works for them. I link to people who don’t link to me. I’m linked to by people I don’t link to myself. It’s all good. And above all, it would NEVER, EVER cross my mind to beg ask someone to link me. WTF? What, they can’t make up their own minds? Oops, maybe they forgot? Everyone has to love me so much that I am linked regardless of them maybe having different personal preferences? Please! This is a grown-ups' game you know.

This is my blog. I alone decide abt EVERYTHING. I decide who is allowed into my inner and outer circles. I don’t have to be friends w everyone, regardless of common denominators. A blog should be a sanctuary and if I happen to be displeased or hurt by someone else's contents, I should just move along. Otherwise it’s a case of you want I should write to fulfil YOUR needs? And maybe then we can find a third party to write for MY OWN? And so forth and so on. Who the hell am I to give anyone grief unless they directly attacked me or my friends in an absolutely purposeful way? And even then I may choose just to laugh abt it bcs, let’s be honest, some trolls are hilarious and I am genuinely grateful for their entertainment value. At the end of the day, walking past an open window does NOT give me the right to make remarks abt the furniture. Reading other people’s blogs is a privilege I have, not my birth right. I do it bcs I am allowed in and, as all guests, it’s my obligation to be at least courteous to my hosts.

There is no statute of limitation for empathy or compassion. There is no rationed amount going round, that is simply a rationalisation of one's personal selfish needs. "So sorry, would love to help but I ran out of understanding last Thursday and haven't been able to replace it yet." What, do I by any chance sound dumb, or stupid? When liberally applied they have the ability to miraculously generate more and more - and they do appease and benefit BOTH parties if we can be bothered to see beyond our miser bellybutton. They are social enablers. Furthermore, NO ONE has a monopoly on pain. Pain is the ultimate equaliser, no one escapes it, and although there may be gradations it’s never perceived relatively bcs all we can really know is our own. Empathy only takes us so far. Implying that I am supposed to censor what I write bcs it might hurt you is implicitly telling me my pain is not as worthy as yours, my needs not as valid, and could I just shut the fuck up abt the things that are important to me right now, I’ll let you know when it’s ok, if ever. And most importantly, bcs this is how you show us what you truly are, if you demand that of me - are you ready to offer the same? Most likely not, takers aren't often givers.

Maybe your pain is indeed of a particular brand - but isn’t everyone’s?


At 6/2/05 18:32, Blogger Kristin said...

I said it before and I'll say it again...YOU ROCK!

At 6/2/05 23:44, Blogger ontheface said...

Tell it sister. No one does it better than you.

At 7/2/05 01:09, Blogger brooksba said...


You have wonderful points here. Blogging is a way for those wishing to express themselves. If someone doesn't agree or has a different opinion, they have every right to just butt the fuck out. The owner of a site has every right to react to comments any way they choose.

I think you found a great way to handle links. You said that you will link to who you want and if someone links to you, you don't have to link in return. That's totally fine. I couldn't imagine having one of those blogs where everyone in the world has linked to it and having to see which sites are linked constantly. If you like the site, link to it. If you don't, you don't have to. I know you already said this. I'm just trying to say I agree with you. (In a long, round-about way. Which seems to be my way. I'm crazy.)

You are also right on about pain. Everyone has pain. And anyone telling someone their pain is not good enough makes my skin crawl. I've met people IRL like this and I tend to steer clear of them. I don't know if someone has been trying to hurt you with their words, but if they are, I'm pissed off!

You have a right to grieve. You have a right to feel pain. I know you don't want to feel pain, I know I've never WANTED to feel pain, but it is necessary. Everything affects people differently. If someone is telling you to keep it quiet, fuck them.

I'm pissed, can you tell? My protective side is coming out here.

I guess this is getting to be a long comment. I want to say that it's your blog, it's your life, and you have the right idea. You are in control. If you need anyone to help break some kneecaps though, I'm here (so is DM).

Love you.


At 7/2/05 03:12, Blogger Scully said...

You rock!!!!

I look at linking as a fun thing. Some people link to me and I think it's cool. I try to reciprocate in kind, but it often takes me a couple of weeks to get to it.

I also don't agree with what everyone blogs about, and I try very had not to make knee jerk comments. I always reread my comments several times before I post (well most of the time) and I also firmly believe that people have a right to their own opinion especially when it's their own blog!

Initially I fell into the jealousy thing when I saw the links that people had, but then I got over it. If people want to read my blog, great. If they want to link, that's cool. And if they just want to drop by every now and then or not at all even though I'm linked to them, that's my choice. We all can't be friends - my goodness I'd never get anything done if I just read all the blogs all day.

Just my opinion.

At 7/2/05 04:56, Blogger Jen P said...

Lioness, you know I adore you, so I don't even have to explain why this post means so much to me. You are amazing. And you're smart. And I'm so jealous you get to study really cool, disgusting things. You rock.

PS. Mr Spider went down the tub drain, so I'm hoping he's enjoying his new home and not my tub!

Hope you're well.

At 7/2/05 05:35, Blogger Jack's Shack said...

I try not to take this too seriously, too often. Can't say that I am always successful, but you do what you can.

At 7/2/05 06:42, Blogger Lord Chimmy said...

What is that sound I hear? Methinks it is the sound of you hitting the nail on the head.

Give that girl a prize...

At 7/2/05 09:42, Blogger Ana said...

That was beautifuly written indeed! You rock!

At 7/2/05 16:37, Blogger annebrev said...

I am in agreement with the rest on this topic - you're right on, Lionness!

On an unrelated note, when reading through these comments, I thought Lord Chimney said "Give that girl a pizza." Which, while an unconventional thing to say, struck me as a pretty good idea! After which I realize that he said "prize," not "pizza." Anyhow, give that girl a pizza!

At 7/2/05 19:24, Blogger Lala said...

I know she rocks! Now I just wish she'd link me, wait, did I sound like I was begging just then?
*S* stands for sarcasm!!
luv u longtime

At 8/2/05 02:49, Blogger Soper said...

Well, I for one am OFFENDED by you not linking to me. I mean, come on, I am wonderful and wise and told you about frozen Twix bars (which you probably didn't like, not liking chocolate and all that. Freak. The grapes really are good, though, I promise. Just DON'T FEED THEM TO A DOG. [vet humor])

I think the blog war has added to my depression as of late. You are right; when it stops being fun, what's the point of doing it?

Going to go stick more things in the freezer and see what else I decide to like.

At 8/2/05 07:36, Blogger brooksba said...


I guess I was quick to jump to your defense and I still am. I don't know who was attacked, but whoever did it should feel outright awful. Blogging is supposed to be fun.

I read the comment from Soper and I just wanted to add my two cents about frozen grapes. I like them. My grandma used to give them to the grandkids as treats. They get really sweet. But you have to like grapes first.



At 8/2/05 15:17, Blogger Lala said...

BTW_ I'm not listed in Julie's great big list of blogs so that link doesn't work for me, HA HA.
So anyway, how you doin'?

At 8/2/05 21:23, Blogger JoeinVegas said...

YOU DON'T LIKE CHOCOLATE? What kind of person are you? (sorry, don't mean to yell, just surprised). Well, more for the rest of us.
Go on, say what you want to say. Glad to see the bbbbb is back.
And the new picture, very nice.

At 8/2/05 21:24, Blogger ThreeBees said...

Fabulous post! Well said!

At 8/2/05 22:26, Blogger paulmonster said...

On Frozen Things:

It surprises me that most people know nothing of the tender icy goodness that is frozen twinkies.

On Blogging:
I suppose I should say thank you for linking to me, mighty Lioness--but I agree that linking should not be considered in any way mandatory or expected. I, too, warmly applaud your views on blogging etiquette, views I substantially share. This does not constrain me to share your views forever and ever, but still, it is good to know that my perspective on the slings and arrows of this outrageous blogosphere is not wholly alien.

In general, I wonder if there isn't a bit of hubris going on in this aforesaid outrageous blogosphere. Everyone gets their unmentionables in a twist because someone did or didn't say something in an unseemly way. To echo your sentiments, these sites are indeed personal domains, in a quirky, non-private way. They are immediate reflections of people and the strange places they find themselves in, and those reflections get necessarily warped in the writing thereof. Bloggers aren't, should never be objective. At best, we are more akin to Samuel Pepys or Thucydides, without the editors and translators (or writing in Latin during the naughty bits)(or slaughtering hordes of Spartans)(unless that actually is what your blog is about).

At 9/2/05 06:44, Blogger d.x. said...

i am very grateful to be linked by you. and proud to link you back.

At 9/2/05 14:32, Blogger CarpeDM said...

I adore you. You know that, right?

You don't like chocolate? This is wrong! Wrong! Neither does Beth. Obviously I'm going to be outnumbered in April. Sigh.

I liked both of your posts and I agree with you, linking should be fun. Blogging should be fun. That's the whole point. If it wasn't fun, why would we do it? Then it becomes work.

At 11/2/05 22:48, Blogger Kris said...

Ok. I have got to learn not to read comments. Well said post, btw.

Now to get some twinkies, some twix, and some grapes to pop in the freezer, though I want the grapes and the twinkies dipped in chocolate, because... well, I have no figging clue, I just want it that way.

Oh, and as for linking, I love to be linked to, it makes me feel all sparkly inside, I even posted about this at one point, like yesterday, how excited it gets me to see a new one in my stats, but, I'm just like that. :)

Yeah, I said,

"I still get really really really excited when I'm going through my stats, and see a site that someone got to my site from, and find they actually linked to me, and it wasn't just because I had commented on their site that someone found me, or the fact that I was a recently updated blog.

Yeah, I'm like that. I actually feel sad when I go to these other blogs and I'm not there. How silly is that. Yet... Oh well, it's not like I've done the best job of updating my list to everyone I read. The biggest problem is I use bloglines now, so I read everything from there, when it's updated, except for the few people who's posts don't show up there, who I have to actually manually go to their sites to read, and well, it makes me forget to update my own blog list."

Ok, bye to the long comment. :)


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