Dead man walking
Imagine you and your girlfriend broke up for good over a year ago
Imagine it wasn’t pretty
Imagine it had a lot to do with your being immature, selfish and insecure to the point where you asked her not to tell you whenever she went for coffee w a male friend
Imagine she laughed at you and wished you good luck with that, as if
Imagine you refused to give her her research polarised sunglasses back
Imagine she can’t be bothered to even start another fight over it, though she misses them bcs they’re ideal for bird-watching
Imagine you meet her by accident a few months later and seem mostly normal so she asks for them and you say yes
Imagine you later decide they are naff and therefore don’t have to return them because, really!!!
Imagine you suggest when she rings you AGAIN you’ll buy her a cool pair instead, how abt that
Imagine you don’t understand why her eyes start glowing red
Imagine you refuse to have her pick them up at your house bcs it’s too complicated
Imagine you refuse to have her pick them up at your job’s reception desk bcs it’s too complicated
Imagine you refuse to have her pick them up at your mother’s house bcs it’s too complicated
Imagine you tell her during yet another phone call from her hat you’ve mailed them to her bcs it’s so much simpler
Imagine she waits for them. And waits for them. And waits for them.
Imagine you tell her when she rings AGAIN, worried, that you actually never mailed them, you just said that to get her off your back
Imagine you finally go over to her house, ring her from your mobile from the main entrance, ask her to open the door, and shove them in the mail, thereby scratching them, bcs you can’t bear to see her in case she dry-humps you, which is terribly likely
Imagine that.
Now imagine this.
Imagine many months pass and suddenly you ring her
Imagine you start the conversation by asking her how things are at the synagogue
Imagine you always had a hard time handling the Jewish factor bcs it made you feel excluded so you didn’t even want to know
Imagine you then tell her you saw her on the telly bcs of Samuel, the kid from Mozambique
Imagine you don’t get much of an answer to either bcs, frankly…???
Imagine you tell her you have a favour to ask, isn’t that some nerve ah ah, imagine she agrees that indeed it is
Imagine you tell he you need to know who Solomon was
Imagine you actually tell her THAT
Imagine she tells you to google it
Imagine you tell her you did and couldn’t find anything really, and was he a Jew, and what did he do
Imagine she tells you yes he was, son of David first king of the Jews, built the First Temple, blabla
Imagine you ask her what Zion is and what happened to it
Imagine she tells you Still standing, it’s the old name for Jerusalem
Imagine you ask if he was indeed a king of theirs or is she just saying it
Imagine she tells you she doesn’t usually manipulate History to fit her non-existing needs and you should really just google it, so much easier for one of the parts and was there anything else
Imagine you ask her Are you getting married yet?
Imagine she asks you how that could possibly interest you
Imagine you say, People ask these things, no big deal
Imagine the conversation is finally over
On a scale of 1-20, how big a loser are YOU? And on a scale of 1-20, what are the odds she’s still asking herself WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING???
Imagine it wasn’t pretty
Imagine it had a lot to do with your being immature, selfish and insecure to the point where you asked her not to tell you whenever she went for coffee w a male friend
Imagine she laughed at you and wished you good luck with that, as if
Imagine you refused to give her her research polarised sunglasses back
Imagine she can’t be bothered to even start another fight over it, though she misses them bcs they’re ideal for bird-watching
Imagine you meet her by accident a few months later and seem mostly normal so she asks for them and you say yes
Imagine you later decide they are naff and therefore don’t have to return them because, really!!!
Imagine you suggest when she rings you AGAIN you’ll buy her a cool pair instead, how abt that
Imagine you don’t understand why her eyes start glowing red
Imagine you refuse to have her pick them up at your house bcs it’s too complicated
Imagine you refuse to have her pick them up at your job’s reception desk bcs it’s too complicated
Imagine you refuse to have her pick them up at your mother’s house bcs it’s too complicated
Imagine you tell her during yet another phone call from her hat you’ve mailed them to her bcs it’s so much simpler
Imagine she waits for them. And waits for them. And waits for them.
Imagine you tell her when she rings AGAIN, worried, that you actually never mailed them, you just said that to get her off your back
Imagine you finally go over to her house, ring her from your mobile from the main entrance, ask her to open the door, and shove them in the mail, thereby scratching them, bcs you can’t bear to see her in case she dry-humps you, which is terribly likely
Imagine that.
Now imagine this.
Imagine many months pass and suddenly you ring her
Imagine you start the conversation by asking her how things are at the synagogue
Imagine you always had a hard time handling the Jewish factor bcs it made you feel excluded so you didn’t even want to know
Imagine you then tell her you saw her on the telly bcs of Samuel, the kid from Mozambique
Imagine you don’t get much of an answer to either bcs, frankly…???
Imagine you tell her you have a favour to ask, isn’t that some nerve ah ah, imagine she agrees that indeed it is
Imagine you tell he you need to know who Solomon was
Imagine you actually tell her THAT
Imagine she tells you to google it
Imagine you tell her you did and couldn’t find anything really, and was he a Jew, and what did he do
Imagine she tells you yes he was, son of David first king of the Jews, built the First Temple, blabla
Imagine you ask her what Zion is and what happened to it
Imagine she tells you Still standing, it’s the old name for Jerusalem
Imagine you ask if he was indeed a king of theirs or is she just saying it
Imagine she tells you she doesn’t usually manipulate History to fit her non-existing needs and you should really just google it, so much easier for one of the parts and was there anything else
Imagine you ask her Are you getting married yet?
Imagine she asks you how that could possibly interest you
Imagine you say, People ask these things, no big deal
Imagine the conversation is finally over
On a scale of 1-20, how big a loser are YOU? And on a scale of 1-20, what are the odds she’s still asking herself WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING???
posted by Lioness @ 4:05 am
5 furballs
5 Comments:
Thinking has nothing to do with it.
sorry, babe -- savta's right.
he was tall and really hot, wasn't he? oh yeah, he was, admit it. in a marlon brando-ish way. [sigh] happens to the best of us ... or at least used to [hack hack!]
Oh yes, what was I thinking is a question that comes to my mind often while remembering old boyfriends.
Ooh. Ow. That registers pretty high on the clueless scale, even for my gender :->
Johnny,
Don't worry about what you were thinking back then. Life is full of getting to know people and trying to find that one that you can feel the "Big Kiss" (to coin a DM term) with. He obviously had some good qualities when you first met him and dated him. I know he did, otherwise you would have not needed to give him any of your time. He just didn't bring out the qualities you didn't like until later.
He sounds pretty clueless to be calling after a year and not getting the picture right away. That seems to happen with exes though. At least you can get a laugh out of it now, right? I hope you can.
Hugs,
Beth
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