“How do I get him out of the living room?”

1 - *My friend Lila emailed me in a panic w astonishing news. She adopted a puppy! That is, a puppy adopted her! Half Labrador, half something. You don’t know her but I laughed hysterically for abt half an hour. Lila with a pet! Lila of the “Good God no, they NEED you, I wouldn’t know what to do, and then you get attached to them, THINGS may happen, I’d worry all the time, and what does one DO w a dog anyway??” THAT Lila. She sent me a second email entitled “Must he chew on everything though” (oh, the fun!) and left me with this small poem: “oh joy! he's eating and drinking a little.. I was worried the vet took out his will to live or something, he was just laying there all sleepy.” Sleepy puppy, hell, I’d worry too.

2 - DM has gone off the deep end and Beth is cheering her on. I’m supposed to take it seriously but I cannot, how could I possibly? And FIY, when I ask you to bring me books it’s under the assumption I am buying them, you bloody cow, or the list wouldn’t be as long as it was! V. did the same thing and it makes me feel horrible AND prevents me from ever asking again. See what you did?? I’ll be bookless! And I’m not against the idea bcs of the books, I’m against it bcs as we say here “he who has no money has no business having vices”! I embrace my poverty, I will visit when I can, but as much as I laugh every time you post abt it or I read a comment - stop turning this into a Live Aid! Repeat “No Money, No Vices” whenever you feel tempted.

3 - Special thanks to my Boredom Patrol from one post ago, I did laugh and it did help, and then I fell asleep. THANKS, dahlings! *smooch*

4 - I’m reading someone’s novel draft - and loving it! I’ll not link to him bcs I’m not sure he’d want that but I am reading a future-famous-writer draft - and he’s brill, really he is. And who knew abt -er, that? I had no idea. Oh, the heroine is part Portie, how cool is that? *Preens*

5 - My dog has finally learnt fear but she learnt it in a most traumatic way, she was attacked by a stupid German Shepherd bitch that is always unleashed and never fails to go straight for every dog on sight. I stood in front of her so she came for me instead and the owner thankfully arrived then (albeit leisurly-like) and grabbed her. I was mad as hell, just the day before I’d seen her attack a very tiny dog who nearly died of fright, the owner had to suspend her over a wall from the leash so she wouldn’t be bitten - and she’s an old, sick dog at that. I told the German Shepherd’s owner that she needed to do something abt her dog or next time I’d go straight for the police. Not that it will help, I don0t even know her name or where she lives but I’m fucking tired of this. The stupid cow didn’t even apologise! (((TIP: I learnt this from the police: if you’re walking your dog on a retractable leash like this and you think you’ll be attacked, grab a hold of the chord itself and swing the heavy bit fast in circles in front of you, this will provide you w a circle of protection bcs the dog knows it may get hurt and it buys you some time. Also, stand sideways to the dog and never look him in the eye, that’s a canine threat))) If I have to hurt her dog to save mine I will but it will kill me so I hope it will never come to that. THEN, as if that wasn’t enough, I was walking her in the afternoon and this monstruous St. Bernard was walking past and decided he didn’t much care for her either, I heard a noise like a freight train arriving and he lunged. Papoila was screaming even before he touched her, I stood in the middle again while visions of my mauled legs haunted me, we all became entangled, my purse flew away, I almost fell and the 14 yo who was holding him finally came to her senses and said “oh but he’s usually so friendly”. Amazingly none of us got bitten at all. Now my dog starts yelping if she so much as sees a bigger dog 5 metres away. It saddens me a bit but it’s better than “oh look a friendly, pilo-erected, growling male Rotweiler, let’s jump on him NOW.” That time we were on the beach and it took his owner to lie on him and wrap his arms around his throat to constrict it, practically riding him, to stop him from killing her. Where was I, meanwhile? Oh I was trying to get up after she dragged me across the sand, leash and all, and made me fall. She’s skinny but bloody strong.

6 - Total strangers sometimes come in when there’s a bad post up [bad in a I See Dead People sort of way]. And they don’t always know what I’m talking abt, or what commenters are responding to. *Dons royally pissed-off educational hat*: if you go into a blog and find some perplexing bit of news that somehow does not bode well happiness-wise for the blogger, kindly refrain from ASKING what the fuck everyone is talking abt. Kindly move towards the archives or, better yet, the categories, and try and find out. Kindly take the time for a small search bcs the last thing that blogger needs is to have to spell it out. The blogosphere doesn’t preclude the need for a modicum of common sense. Do we not bleed?

[Oh and BTW. If you come in on the day I post that my best friend’s body has been found, let me boldify it, on the day I post that my best friend’s body has been found, have a care, re-acquaint yourself w your mother language and realise that BODY in this context doesn’t mean he was astral-projecting and has forgotten where he left it, could anyone please help, I’ll check the closet. It’s in poor form to leave a comment abt my Jewish roar on that very day - especially if said comment is a bit inane - and an extra slap I don’t need when I can barely breathe.]

7 - I just talked to Z, Uzi's brother, on MSN. He asked me directly if I “think abt Uzi a lot these days”. My heart became minute. I told him I do think abt him these days, the other days, all days. I also told him abt my Butterfly and asked him if he thought it was crazy. “No!!” Good. Maybe some day I’ll tell his mum as well. Z. says he’s seeing some improvement in her. I told him I worry abt her and him all the time. He says he worries abt her and himself all the time as well. No matter how I look at it, everything breaks my heart. It’s stupid to expect otherwise but all it takes is for him to mention Uzi and I start crying. Telling you it actually surprised me will show you how deeply into this denial thing I still am.

8 - Remember Lila’s puppy from up there? That is particularly heart-wrenching bcs see, in Uzi’s parents house no animals are allowed. His mum used to tease me abt the cats ALL THE TIME and say “Oh just throw them away, all that hair, jiffa!” [Jiffa means “something vile“ in Hebrew]. When I walked into the house before the funeral, the very first time I saw any of them after I left Israel, the thing that brought home the point that the world had indeed turned into something incomprehensible was having a ball of fur jump at my legs. There was an animal in the house. THERE WAS AN ANIMAL IN THE HOUSE. So Uzi might very well be dead bcs it’d indeed take nothing short of a cataclysm for that to be even remotely possible. It gave me a fright, I was still entertaining “He’s alive” thoughts. The dog belongs to his mum’s sister and is called Tzemer (wool) bcs she looks like a yarn on legs. She wasn’t merely tolerated, she actually played a big part in comforting those who needed it most while there were no news. That dog was a lifesaver. And then later on his older brother E. arrived w his girlfriend and their 2 dogs and I closed my eyes and sat down bcs the next ones in were bound to be Taz, The Swedish Cook and Jessica Rabbit. You already know the rest.

9 - Shabbat salom, lekulam. It helps so much to know you there.