Friday, August 19, 2005

How to diagnose a full moon- again

1- Decide to live more healthily and do not drink Coke at all. Forget to drink green tea instead. Get coke when it's too late already for you not to have a migraine. Spend the day in the throes of said migraine for no other reason than your having been amazingly a tad stupid. YET AGAIN.

2 - Crawl into bed in the evening wondering how on earth you'll make it alive to your father's surprise party tomorrow, w relatives you haven't seen in many a year. Force yourself to read your bones book. MANDIBLE: The mandible has one body, two rami. It forms a single bone in the Horse and the Pig and is not fused in other species. Etc.

3 - Crawl out of bed at top speed when your mother rings you to ask that you pick them up at top speed to drive them to the hospital bcs your father is having that pain again [right side, abdominal/thoracic. Father just tested positive for – surprise! – Helicobacter pylori and has had chronic gastritis for decades now]. Manage to not have an accident despite the lethal combo migraine/flickering, moving lights. Be kicked out of hospital by your mother after a couple of hours bcs it will take forever and father is resting wile they wait for the blood tests results and mother has also occupied an armchair and is ready to sleep some and she will only worry more if you’re there and you’re looking awfully skinny and pale anyway and please try to avoid the sun because those brown spots on your face [known everywhere else as "freckles"] are getting bigger and bigger. You exit the hospital shortly before midnight and are very careful to avoid the sun, as per mother. Mother will keep you posted. Father is diagnosed with – surprise! – acute gastritis at 4 am and is given prescriptions galore and sent home.

4 - Family are warned that they are not to come after all. Father lying on the sofa, slighty feverish, and utterly miserable and sweaty bcs he wrapped himself in a bathrobe and covered himself with a sheet and mother cannot convince him to unwrap bcs, well, can’t she see he is dying [implicit] and she is is wife and needs to take care of him [verbatim]. [Adorable, yes? Mother thinks so as well despite father being a PITA when ill, remotely ill or contemplating being ill.] Mother wonders what she is to do with food for 11 people but Good God no, don’t come round to help, it’d make it worse! Decide you’re too generous a person to take offence.

5 - Realise your moribund computer has completed its dying overnight and is now lying belly up on the table, bloated and pong-y. Bcs it wasn’t full moon yet, you were successful in saving mostly everything a few days ago. Get ready to drive it to the shop, wonder when you will see it again.

6 - Get ready to spend the afternoon in the Archaeology Museum handling old, smelly and VERY BRITTLE bones of animals long gone.

Shabbat shalom. Hopefully.


At 19/8/05 14:11, Blogger Noorster said...

I've always wanted to tell you how I love the term "bones book". I wish I had a "bones book" that I could read.
Hope your father gets well soon.
Shabbat shalom. I don't remember the last time I said that to anyone. So there you have it:) Shabbat shalom.

At 19/8/05 14:24, Blogger CarpeDM said...

Shabbat shalom! I actually am not really sure what that means but wanted to join in.

Sorry to hear about your father and hope that he feels better soon. Not my preferred way to spend a birthday at all.

I love that you avoided the sun at midnight - good thing because those dang brown spots are awful (I am, of course, kidding). I thought your freckles were quite adorable actually.

Beijos, dear Johnny. Hope your day goes better.

At 19/8/05 14:43, Blogger Diana said...

So the mandible is not fused in other species? The things I learn from you. Poor father. Poor, poor mother. Poor, poor, poor you! Go have a Coke and feel better. I will say a prayer for your computer.

At 19/8/05 17:12, Blogger cat said...

Hoping Papa is better soon. It is so scary when the folks are ill. Besos.

At 19/8/05 17:50, Blogger Agent Sierra said...

What a terrible day. Made worse by the caffeine withdrawal. Why do that to yourself?

Sorry about your father. Always scary when loved ones are in the hospital.

At 19/8/05 18:20, Blogger Candace said...

I quit the caffeine recently.

Two weeks of a dull, continuous headache and I'm finally DONE with the withdrawal.

Of course, when my next migraine hits, I'll be off to get a Coke.

At 19/8/05 19:41, Anonymous Manuela said...

I'm so sorry... what a crap day... full-moon or not...

At 19/8/05 19:47, Blogger brooksba said...

What a day. I'm sorry for all the chaos. I hope your father feels better soon and that your mother gets a break.

Give up Coke? The thought gives me a headache.

Missing you!

At 19/8/05 20:32, Blogger Udge said...

Hope your father is OK, one can always buy a new computer (though that would be shitty enough). Shabbat shalom (but does it count if said after sunset?)

At 21/8/05 04:09, Blogger Savtadotty said...

Helicobacter pylori is a wonderful diagnosis, because it is cured by a specific antibiotic! I know because I had ulcers for years (in the USA) until they did that test (in Israel) and as soon as it came out positive, it all went away within a week of pill-taking.

So, that should be the worst thing that ever befalls your loved ones.

Shavua Tov!


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