The miscarriage that keeps on giving - UPDATE
RE-UPDATE IN BOLD SO EVERYONE SEES IT AND RELAXES - I am fine. Really, I AM FINE. If it weren0t for your comments I'd delete this demented post, I sound demented. Blood flow diminished so, sadly, this does indeed seem to be the new pattern, which will heavily curb my ability to leave the house in the first few days. Fun and practical. [Kathzinha, birth control in use but condoms sometimes pop goes the weasel, hence the possibility] Stilnox left my stomach sensitive all day, am still feeling a bit nauseated and brewing a fine migraine. Biochem exam was a disgrace, very, very hard. I didn't write Pharmacology at all bcs the colleague who was going to explain Recipe Calculations to me decided at the last minute she wasn't going to write it - and since we have 3 exams but if you fail one the other grades are thrown away w the bathwater as well there was no point in doing it today. Will write it at the end of July. Am exhausted, my hair is orange, my ass is horrid, my car STILL has not arrived, the exams are destroying my will to live - why must every bloody one be so bloody hard and why must the teachers be this unfair?? Say, you take 3 exams, pass 2 w excellent grades, fail the 3rd and are forced to re-take EVERYTHING? Not to mention the 3 exams in one day scenario. Welcome to vet school, highly legal and motivating. Tnx, cannot find it. Should be studying Imagiology now but will instead curl up on sofa and maybe sleep a little, maybe the stupid migraine will stay away then. Am quite the little Calimero today. *SOB!* Yeah, yeah, shabbat shalom.
Blah. I am tired of blood. If you object to clots stop reading now. NOW. It won't be pretty, not the clots in bidets, not the clots on floors, not the clots slowly sliding down my legs or the toilet bowl and don't even ask how they got there bcs I. DON'T. KNOW.
It is so bad that I am actually wondering whether I should buy a pg test tomorrow, could this be a miscarriage again, of the friendly variety this time? I have had to throw the pyjamas in the wash every single night since i got my period 3 days ago, and I start bleeding out of the bad after maybe 40 minutes. One of the reasons for this is that the stupid people at E*vax decided to change the material and the blood that used to be contained for the 1st time in its life no longer is. But this is my 2nd period post-miscarriage and I still am not back to the old pattern, I bleed to much even for me and the clots have taken a life of their own and now proudly sport bungee jumping certificates, I ran to the bathroom a while ago to unveil yet another clothing disaster and there was a family of four slithering down my right leg, in tandem.
Am also high on drugs, literally, took a stilnox - finally after talking w Manuela bcs we laughed so hard I decided it was a good sign and I could sleep tonight and so I took a stil*nox but i have my principles and so washed it dopwn w a c0oke and I want to explain this properly but I can't righht now bcs shit, i'm really feeling woooozy and want to finish this bloody business first, if I can.
So the clots slithered down my leg and then I lifted said leg and placed it over the bidet so they could jump to their deaths while I dealt w the other leg and knickers and when i lookd around a while later there was - when i was a child I had a rubbery octopus that I absolutely loved, you'd get it wet and throw it at the wall and the tiny octpuss would cling to it and gracefulkly make his way down, a ballet of tentacles, I loved it, am less in love w clotty creatures sticking to ungodly places, I keep finding new spots and darkred carcasses even after I've cleaned and looked arounf, i dont undretstand it al all.
Wow but this thing works fast.
Part of me thinks i cannot be p+gnant bcs i am not in excruciating pain and the ibuprufen worked, whcih it didntn for my miscarriage so i cannot even assess cranping, althoutgh my cramping only evolved into real klabour contractions the night bfr I miscarried so -
am lost again, fuck.ç..
am afraid this might mean there's ssomething not right w me, not necessarily a miscarriage thogut how dould i know, i dont feel pg nopr do my boobs hurt as they did but if tjhois is going to be the pattern of my period from now own I'll really need to get one of those rubber cooter cup thingits bcs i'll need to be able to assess how much i'm losing and it takes a vessel to cointain all the blood I lose and to think it's all wasted, blood inside is psoriasis-tainted, blood outside obtained vaginally, not the best of eitehr world.
If this is whowi will bleed from now on I will be roayyalluypissed off, it's not practical and it's not fair that i0m forced to think Now,this clots outbrust was not normal, am I just the owner of a makeover where things went awfully wrong ansd instead of the Frindly Clot, known each other for years, I get Rodney in The 5th Element and - oof, hard to think, never mind, carry on,
also, what is puxzling is that I found amidst the clots - i always feel around, to make sure, lestb the past repeats itself on the unuawaare - i found something that lood like a pouch but filled w an ai buibble, small thing, sie of a small pinkie nail, and is that a normal clot? things dont get better tomorrow will b uy kit and pee on it w a vengeance, i think, unless it laughs back at me but i cannot be pregnant, certainly not pg and miscarrying again so swiftly. Well fuck, mouth is all dry and mind is gone so will reread tomorrow and edit, am sure this makes no sense, must lie down now bfr i topple over
UPDATE - Oh no, you were worried! I'm sorry, and apologies for the post as well, I sound drunk but was simply inane from the sleeping pill. A bit genuinely worried but that happens after a miscarriage, I suppose. If you'll remember, last month was the same thing bleeding-wise and if all goes according to plan by this evening the blood will have stopped muchly, which is bizarre but happened last month - in fact, no ruined sleeping apparel tonight. If it hasn't I'll call the Dr., promise. I just hope this is merely the lining still recovering [SEE, LOREM?][Then again, mine was scraped clean, never mind] and not a permanent rearrangement.
My biggest problem now is actually the bloody Stil*nox made me feel scarily woozy all of a sudden, for a nice half hour I was wondering if I was going to puke as well and then I had bad dreams, let's hope I don't lose my beloved sleep inducer or things will take a turn for the so very worse. So, apologies again for having scared you - oh and my mucosas are fine and pink and I am no more tired than is expected after a series of nights on little and bad sleep, no anaemia. In fact, bad dreams and all this morning I feel more rested. I'll now go study for the ONE exam I'll write today, explanations later.