Thursday, October 19, 2006

Bang-bang...

... you're dead.

Hi, My name is Uzi Saghi and I was hit by a tidal wave.

Which is a pity, bcs today you would have been 30 years old. I celebrated my 30th with you remember? You and your brothers threw my chair in the air, as Jews are wont to. You wore a black turtleneck and a ponytail and looked absolutely smashing, as you were wont to. You didn't even own a jumper when we first met and all of a sudden there you were, looking terribly European.

It is your birthday today and I think that is why my words have gone. I haven't had a lot to say in a nlong, long while. If I had words, I'd have to use them to talk abt you, and to tell people how I hoped I would be brave enough to face your photos this year so I could scan them, and show the world how absolutely beautiful you were, face of an archangel and the soul to match. I thought I might send them to your mum as well.

I cannot bear to look at them yet, I simply cannot bear to.

You would have been 30 years old, and now you are, what? Where? They have therapy on earth, which is a good thing bcs this little death of yours it doesn't seem to be getting any easier to accept. If anything, the feeling of unrealitty, of surreality has increased. Sadly, I should have been in therapy before your death, not sought it after it, for I flee and isolate myself when reality just doesn't live up to its expectations so I tend to only visit my psychiatrist once in a very irregular while. Not conducive to a greater well being but I am too weary to care.

Remember how your mum once gently urged me to not rely on my lazy ovaries to ensure I'd not get pregnant? It was a very horrifying moment, only surpassed by your sister explaining to your mum and I, using your penis as an example, how to apply one of those penile fishing flies or something or other we'd just come across in a magaine. Your mum was just so worried I'd get pregnant (ha!) and we'd have a baby (ha!) and your life woudl be ruined (heheeeeeee!). I suppose we all wish your life had been ruined, yes? It'd make missing you easier to bear.

Happy fucking birthday.


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And look at what lovely Cat wrote. They share a birthday. She remembers.

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15 Comments:

At 19/10/06 17:55, Blogger cat said...

thinking of you and sending you love and if possible some peace.

 
At 19/10/06 18:41, Blogger JoeinVegas said...

Happy birthday Uzi, wherever you are.

 
At 19/10/06 18:42, Blogger brooksba said...

Sending you my love and you are both in my thoughts today. Consider yourself hugged; I just wish I could hug you for real.

 
At 19/10/06 18:51, Blogger Savtadotty said...

Death never gets easier to accept...you just get more or less used to the hurt so you can function, more or less. I wish I could bring him back. I too send you a special hug today.

 
At 19/10/06 19:22, Blogger Udge said...

{{{ lioness }}}

He is remembered.

 
At 19/10/06 22:41, Blogger Noorster said...

This was such a beautiful post but I wish you didn't have to write it.
Ditto Brooksba and Udge: I wish I could hug you and yes, he is and will be remembered.

 
At 19/10/06 23:57, Blogger Meri-ann said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 19/10/06 23:58, Blogger Meri-ann said...

oops sorry didn't mean to delete that....

Much love to you Lioness x

 
At 20/10/06 02:15, Blogger LeggyP said...

Happy Birthday Uzi. L, I'm sorry for your loss- its still so hard, isn't it?

 
At 22/10/06 04:18, Blogger Shelli said...

Ani M'Mash Meetz'teret.

I'm So sorry.

It just plain sucks.

 
At 24/10/06 17:51, Blogger Kath said...

Dear Lioness,

I'm so sorry.

Thinking of you and Uzi.

XO
Kath

 
At 27/10/06 16:13, Blogger CarpeDM said...

I'm so sorry. I really wish that I could hug you right now. I will always remember Uzi. Much love to you.

I tried to post this when you wrote this but blogger hates me for some odd reason.

 
At 28/10/06 01:35, Blogger Serialangel said...

My lovely Lioness I send you hugs from afar. Uzi will always be remembered. The ones we love never leave us.

Betty xxx

 
At 29/10/06 06:47, Blogger Manuela said...

My dear, Lioness... I'm late coming to joing the birthday (acnowledgement?? would that be right??)... but let me just say that I hope Uzi spares Shoelet the details of the penile fishing fly story... she's just too young for that sort of thing.

:-)

Love you, darling.

 
At 14/8/09 10:35, Blogger Julie said...

Death never gets easier to accept..
___________________
Julie

Increase your brand popularity overnight

 

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