Thursday, May 19, 2005

Dear Diary

7.50 - Rise amidst much cursingness and grogginess.
8.30 - Drive to the airport
9.00 - Drive back home, open Immunology book highly reluctantly. Buck up already.
9.45 - Surprise yourself by actually beginning to find it interesting. You don’t care much for it still but find it rather brill to be able to understand, say, why mumps and measles vaccines are only given to babies after they turn one - oh you sexy IgG! Freund’s adjuvant will give you solace now. Freund’s adjuvant will be your freund now (got it?)[Give a shout out to Diana and your friend G. and Kristin who have got to be the only readers who will have a clue as to what the hell I'm going on abt.]
12.15 - Letters start swimming before your eyes in pretty unfocused patterns, decide to have a lie down on the sofa for a bit and rest before re-visiting your other good friend, the
13.15 - Entertain vague thoughts along the lines of Should get up now, class at 14.00
13.51 - Hmmmm…. *yawn, stretch, crack* Wha?? What tim…? OH FUCK!!
14.08 - Provide theatrical entertainment for colleagues upon entering lab boisterously albeit plans to the contrary, lab coat still askew. Today’s menu: kidneys and bladders. Position stool immediately by the open door, hope to evade the worst of the vapours.
14.17 - Entertain startingly concrete thoughts of throwing yourself into the river you can see from the windows.
14.21 - Only 17 jars left
14.25 - Sigh deeply, give up, don a latex glove to touch specimens and notice how hard/soft/rubbery/fibrous they are.
14.35 - Polycystic kidneys blablabla pielonephritis blablabla can you tell the diff btwn polycystic and blablabla, right, cysts are DISORGANISED
14.42 - Start crying and sneezing oh what took you so long
14.47 - Cover half of your face w lab coat and breathe through it. Notice new fashion trend throughout part of the class. Notice how some blissful souls seem to have no airways whatsoever. Marvel at that.
15.10 - Can you tell the diff btwn cat kidneys and dog kidneys? Right, stellate veins blabla, is this one a dog’s or a pig’s? Right, dog, both bean-shaped but pig’s is flat blablabla
15.12 - Be joined by the door by an alarming number of students on stools
15.28 - Still 13 jars left
15. 29 - HELP!
15.31 - Go get a coke to help w burning, scratchy and surely reddish throat. Use the chance to wash burning, scratchy and definitely reddish skin, and watery and definitely reddish eyes.
15.35 - Chuckle when colleague says “I think I’m developing a
glottis oedema!" - then ask your constricted throat what the hell you’re laughing abt.
15.38 - Still 10 jars left
15.45 - Stick your head fully out of the room for the 114th time, use the chance to chat briefly w a colleague who’s graduated already and is walking by.
15.53 - Stand by the door and smoke a ciggie you bummed in the hopes of vasoconstriction being of some help, body against the doorway, arm sticking back along the wall. Realise there’s a group of students smoking in the hallway already, all a bit green in the face. And reddish.
15.59 - Tic toc tic toc tic toc…
16.12 - 8 jars left. Retrieve hope.
16.20 - 2 jars left!!
16.28 - HURRAH!
16.32 - Fill Class Evaluation Questionnaire. Give professor outstanding grades bcs really, he is very competent and a nice, funny man.
16.34 - Ask teacher as you wipe the remaining tears off your burning, reddish face if next class is a necropsy or phormol organs again, cringe as he says “organs”, tell him that you have a strong suspicion you’ll be ill that day, hear him say “Yes, who could blame you”. Feel even more righteous abt having given him good grades.
16.35 - Sign your name and flee.
17.02 - Make it finally home and throw yourself onto couch, firmly vowing never to get up again.
17.05 - Answer mother’s phone call reminding you you are to pick up parents NOW to drive to cousin’s birthday dinner outside of Lisbon in the middle of rush hour.
17.07 - Leave house groggily and cursingly.
17.16 - Drive through the inner outskirts of Lisbon hoping to evade the humungous traffic jam dreaming of MEAT, MEAT, MEAT.
18.00 - Make it to cousin’s house half-starved and nursing the beginnings of a suspiciously familiar toxic migraine.
18.15 - Convince cousin’s daughter NOT to go to a Chinese restaurant or you’ll puke your guts out, the thought alone makes you want to gag. Dream of MEAT, MEAT, MEAT.
18.17 - Curse the Portie lifestyle bcs no one and you mean NO ONE will feed you dinner before 19.00 anywhere in the country, convince family to go for a snack before dinner.
18.20 - Start annoying said family by asking every few minutes what the time is.
18.23 - What’s the time? Oh shut up. No really, what’s the time? Oh please be quiet!
18.27 - Continue to annoy said family w time question AND repeated utterances of “I really need MEAT now, I really do. Meaty, meaty, meaty, MEATY!”
18.31 - What’s the time? Please stop it.
18.33 - What’s the time? [Meaty, meaty, meaty] Oh PLEASE stop it.
18.36 - What’s the time? Oh this is just like when you were little and we’d barely entered the car!
18.39 - What’s the time? [Meaty, meaty, meaty] *groan*
18.43 - What’s the time? PLEASE STOP IT.
18.46 - What’s the tim - I mean, we could get moving now couldn’t we, NO WE COULDN’T, it’s too early.
18.49 - Meat….
18.53 - MEAAAAAAT….
18.56 - Let’s go now, please please pleaaaaase!
19.30 - Realise you’re being served half a dose comprised of a gigantic platter of rice, a mound of salad and 4 - four - FOUR - veal steaks. Feel happy at the thought of the doggy bad which will provide you with food for at least wto more meals bcs you couldn’t possibly eat all that, yey.
20.00 - Realise you just did.
20.05 - Feel very very full and annoy family by complaining abt it every few minutes.
20.08 - Very very full…
20.13 - Very very fuuuuuuull…
20.30 - Drive everyone home, drive yourself home, throw yourself on the sofa again and vow not to undertake anything tonight other than CSI-watching.
22.27 - Realise you’ve struggled with post for almost an hour bcs you can barely string two sentences together.
22.31 - Very very full….


At 19/5/05 23:38, Blogger Kristin said... are funny when you are incoherent. And, they aren't the only ones who can understand the medical jargon. I use to be (pre-kids) a paramedic.

At 19/5/05 23:39, Blogger Lorem ipsum said...


At 19/5/05 23:54, Blogger The Lioness said...

Oh good, there's 3 of you now!

At 20/5/05 01:04, Blogger Jen P said...

I'm wondering if it's be at all appropriate to buy some SARS type masks and just wear them to class and pass them around. You could decorate them fiercely with glitter and jewels and felt pens and be just gorgeous. All while only inhaling the slight stench of the ink which might present a much more pleasurable high than those icky drugs.


Glad you got to eat in the end and hope you got to sleep.

Gorgeous pic by the way. V v v hottttttt.

At 20/5/05 03:59, Blogger Diana said...

So proud of you for not giving the obvious answer: Well, the dog kidney is different because it IS IN THE DOG! Yes, yes, I know. Must know all this stuff completely out of context so you can have the fun and aggrevation of re-assembling it in context. My personal favorite was on an anat. final with all the body parts fair game. On the chest of this one cadaver was part of a jaw bone (Yes, it was laying on top of the torso, or what was left of it) with a few strands of muscle attached, to be named. The fragment of jaw was upside down and backwards. All I could think was that if this was a real life situation, the name of the muscle really wouldn't matter, as obviously the rest of the poor soul would be spread all over the pavement or something.

At 20/5/05 04:12, Blogger Savtadotty said...

Is a first-thing-in-morning drive to the airport a standard part of your wake-up routine, or were you dropping someone off?

At 20/5/05 04:36, Blogger CarpeDM said...

Good Lord woman, you are funny.

I loved this. Very cool post. Especially about the meat. God, I love meat.

Adore you as well.

At 20/5/05 10:26, Blogger brooksba said...

Lovely. Just lovely. I am glad that you were able to get a great meal and felt satisfied.

I admire you. You are just amazing.


At 20/5/05 11:15, Blogger The Lioness said...

S., I always start my day w a refreshing airport visit, the air and noise pollution brightens me up no end and I love all the roundabouts in between.

Noooo, I was dropping someone off. Ignorance is what one gets whenone fails to click on every little link in s previous post. Tsk, tsk.

At 20/5/05 11:16, Blogger The Lioness said...

HEY! "Incoherent"???

I'm shocked.

At 20/5/05 11:21, Blogger Noorster said...

I'm not sure I'd eat meat after ... ugh... ugh... I need some air...

At 20/5/05 15:07, Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

Noorster -

When I was in high school we dissected a fetal pig. I didn't have cold cuts for a long time after that. Years.

After college I enrolled in some anatomy classes (I was a medical photographer). At one point I remember about half a dozen of us dissecting a gentleman named Ira something and then we'd go out to dinner and I had no trouble eating meat of any kind. You learn to separate it.

At 20/5/05 15:11, Blogger The Lioness said...

Not only what LI said, but also dissecting a perfectly, say, healthy liver can absolutely induce remarks such as "Hell, what I wouldn't give for some liver right now, w onions."

Actually, what I wouldn't give for some liver w onions right now...

At 20/5/05 22:35, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The "meaty, meaty, meaty" refrain made me laugh so hard I almost cried. Surely you can understand why. Free at last! Meaty, meaty, meaty, MEATY! xxoo Her Exiled Highness. ;-)

At 20/5/05 22:42, Blogger Udge said...

I guess one would have to keep a clear mental distance between the meat on the dissecting table and that on your plate, but I doubt whether I could do so. I was vegetarian for half a year after working at McDonalds (but got over it).

You might like the poem Why I love bacon (scroll down to "Good morning").

At 21/5/05 07:18, Blogger The Lioness said...

Actually V, you'll have to spell it out, I woke up at 6.45. Mt mental state can be defined as "Huh?".

Udge, loved it at this early hour. Will forward to rabbi. No seriously, the thing that takes my appetite is when the live animals we use are porrly treated, or when the animals we necropsy obviously suffered a lot. But then it's everything, meat, veggies, the whole thing.

At 21/5/05 09:25, Blogger The Lioness said...

Unrelated question: this sentence, 'My mental state can be defined as "Huh?".'

There's a full stop. In my mind, it needs a full stop. But it looks wrong. Native speakers please jump in, what's the rule in English?



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