Monday, October 17, 2005

Rule Britannia

I'm in such pissy humour it's piçi really. I am not the least eloquent today and I can imagine this post will be offensive to many but see here, the beauty of me not caring is well, NOT CARING, all I feel like doing is hysterically scream Wednesday's approaching!!! at the top of my lungs but instead I must study bacteria and ways to sterilise lab counters and Petri dishes and oy, I feel so tired, so very tired, as the village Chief in Astérix would say after having been made to fall off his shield once again.

RELATED MUSINGS
I remember once reading abt one of the Gandhi women who said something along the lines of I've often thanked God for making me not pretty for I know that all I've accomplished in life was truly through my worth.

Good one, dahling! And so… believable. I hope they had good psychiatrists in India and that you availed yourself to one. Thinking abt that sentence though, it’s rather clear you didn’t for a) it’s rubbish and b) we all know that, as we say here, “much better to be healthy, rich and pretty than sick, poor and ugly”. Not to mention that the inference that everything The Beautiful Ones accomplish is due to their looks is more than a tad offensive. Of course they have it easier but at the end of the day they need to get off their arses as well, heart-shaped as they may be.]

And there’s this, who could forget abt Piglet?

THE STORY
In the summer of 1997 I laid my hands on a copy of a book by Tom Sharpe and soon after starting to read it I prostrated myself on the floor and prayed for a long, healthy, prolific life for him, and possibly a peerage. [So many less deserving got one, yes?]. Tom Sharpe is, if you like British humour at its best, an absolutely fabulous must.

Funnily enough, that book was Ancestral Vices, a story abt a PC social researcher [they're all terrible] who goes to a quaint English village to - well, let's say that at a certain point he takes lodgings at the house of a dim-witted woman who is married to a dwarf. Only, our hero being PC, he calls him a PORG - Person Of Restricted Growth.

I remember I thought Tom Sharpe was brilliant, PORG indeed, what a naff thing that is, how terrible if the world turned into a place where people used such expressions in all seriousness.

Ha!

I was listening to the radio a while ago and found out that in England a theatre group is rehearsing Snow White And The Seven Gnomes. *Shudder* Why gnomes? Because an association officially complained against the use of the word dwarf, an association comprised of – and then I hear this in Portuguese: People of Restricted Growth and I quickly translated it into English, PORG’s. So the PORG’s got together and managed to have the play censored.

Let’s all savour this for a moment shall we: censored. CENSORED.

And here we are, Tom Sharpe, the visionary.

I'm sorry, but what the fuck? If you're short you're short, not vertically challenged. If you're fat you're fat, not panicularly-challenged. You're black, white? Guess what. You're blind? Yes, sorry abt that but at least you're not invisual, as we say here.

There are all sorts of dwarves and they are medically defined. So now on the one hand we have dwarves who decide that they are not that at all, they just suffer from a certain lack of verticality (I’ll say) and are mortified that people will refer to them as such. They are the PORG’s, which is a far more dignified and honourable way of referring to someone. On the other hand, you have dwarves who protest recent advances in genetic testing and techniques which will allow for the genes that cause dwarfism to be altered/removed. This would create a healthy embryo – but it’s disrespectful to them, see? Because very soon, say, achondroplasia may actually be removed from the genetic map and then where would those healthy children be, deprived of the right to lead a life made that much harder by prejudice, genuine physical suffering, so much loneliness in some cases?

Hullo, I am the Lioness and I used to have psoriasis, which is a pain in the ass in general, and a pain in the knee in particular, and it’s vile-looking and makes my skin hurt when it’s very cold and causes people not too infrequently to behave as though I bring the plague and has had an impact (negative at that) on every aspect of my life. But I no longer am a psoriatic! No, as of now, I shall be known as a POAK – Person Of Abnormal Keratinisation; or a PORDH – Person Of Restricted Dermo-Health; or a POSAONSCDBOBMWABMHHVMS - Person Of Such Abundance Of Neutrophils She Cannot Donate Blood Or Bone Marrow, Which Actually Breaks Her Heart Very Much So.

*Phurballs*

I am not saying that it is a bad thing to be a dwarf. I am not saying dwarves cannot lead excellent, happy, fulfilled lives (though I can tell you in all honestly I am happy I am not one). I am saying that they have it so much more difficult on all levels. I am saying that to consider it a crime that I may choose to give my child a healthier, longer, less complicated life is just bullocks and actually demeaning. I have accomplished a lot in my life but believe me, having psoriasis has not made me any more noble, on the contrary. Suffering doesn’t really do much for our good character, suffering corrupts, and those who believe it makes them better are compensating as effectively as Gandhi Girl was. I am a good person DESPITE my psoriasis, it has afforded me no end of opportunities to be mean and bitter and envious and sullen.

Cystic Fibrosis, blindness, deafness, asthma, diabetes, dwarfism, psoriasis, glycogen metabolism diseases, would I get rid of the genes behind them if given a choice? Without a second’s hesitation and amidst much grateful crying. You want to have children with genes that code for all sorts of pathologies and conditions, even though that no longer needs to be the case nowadays? It is well within your rights as a parent, much to my chagrin. Just please don’t act as if anyone behaving differently is taking part in some novel Eugenic experiment. You were born blind and lead a tremendously happy life? Good for you, and not knowing what you are missing is bound to help (but then again, we also lack the overdevelopment of the other senses, we cannot echolocate to save our lives, or ride bikes on curvy roads with our eyes closed). You were blinded as an adult? Of course your reaction will be I wish it had happened sooner, I could have grown so much more as a human being, too bad I didn’t loose a leg and an arm as well!

CONCLUSION
If you’re a dwarf, it wouldn’t cross my mind to make fun of you just bcs of it (unless I were telling a very un-PC joke, that is, fair game and all that). But if you’re one of these silly dwarves, oh dahling hold on to your knickers bcs the force of my gale laughter might just blow them away. You happen to be unforgivably dumb and well, it is my birth right to mock you mercilessly. Also, your dangerous dumbness seems to be infectious and spreading, and I am personally offended by the world you are – effectively, it would seem - trying to create. [And do tell, if you happen to be Jewish, how do you live with yourself, you PORG?]

The Waterboys sing Old England Is Dying. As far as I can tell, seems like the Modern One isn't doing so well either.

EDITOR’S NOTE
Regarding this coming Wednesday, the 19th… Uzi would have turned 29. I don’t know how I will be, don’t know if I’ll disappear or write 10 posts. If I do disappear you’ll know why. You also know I always reappear. On Wednesday you can also go round to
Cat’s, who is still having excellent news, and wish her and the kitten she’s carrying a wonderful birthday. Cat is lovely, she’s started the Butterfly Report, whenever she sees one she’ll send me an email describing it.

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17 Comments:

At 17/10/05 13:48, Blogger Diana said...

Once again, "amen, sistah" to you. All that "noble to be suffering" shite ranks, for me, right up there with, "it's God's will" that this (insert condition, death, disaster) happened. Especially when you are talking about children. Grrrrr.

 
At 17/10/05 15:48, Blogger JoeinVegas said...

Uh, now I've got to come up with some good acronyms. May take a while to be as creative. I'll be back.

 
At 17/10/05 16:09, Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

I saw that in the Sun. So absurd, you'd think it was an American idea. Alack, alack and fie for shame!

 
At 17/10/05 16:19, Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

Oh, and a propos of that... today's Dear Abby!

DEAR ABBY: I am married to the most wonderful man in the world. He is my best friend and lover. He is also a dwarf. My problem concerns how to deal with the public.
When we are out, people make comments and faces. I am aware of it, but I'm not sure my husband is. When I catch people staring, I give them a dirty look. How should I handle this? I am considered attractive, and people who don't know us well ask why I am with this wonderful man. -- OFFENDED IN ORLANDO

DEAR OFFENDED: Your husband is probably aware of the stares, but has grown used to them by now. If someone is so rude as to question you about why you married him, be truthful. Say: "I don't measure my men from the top down; I measure them from the eyebrows up. And when you get to know my husband, I'm sure you'll also appreciate what a wonderful person he is."

 
At 17/10/05 17:59, Blogger paulmonster said...

Labels, categories, pigeonholes people use to organize a chaotic world, all seem to have inherently limited capabilities, especially after time and emotions have colored things. MLK uses the word "Negro" in his most celebrated speeches; is it merely the context of the speaker which confers legitimacy on the label? Or is there something inherent to the label itself which denotes acceptable meanings? Hell if I know. Strange, all of this is.

I had a woman interviewing me on public radio once, who referred to me as "Amer-Asian" (as in, Asian-American). Am tempted to refer to everything in hyphenated, foreshortened words ("Bagel with Cre-Cheese", "P-Butter and Jelly", "Cho-Ice Cream")

Also; recommended: The Kinks singles "Waterloo Sunset" and "Victoria." Two of the best late Britannic majesty rock songs ever.

 
At 17/10/05 22:12, Blogger cat said...

Boooo anon spammer... booo. Have some balls show yourself.

You and Uzi will both be in my thoughts on Wed. Unfortunately the butterflies have left us for the season but they will return and you will again get reports, promise.

*cheesy gooey internet hug*

 
At 17/10/05 22:25, Blogger Diana said...

Johnny- Seems you have a commenter (anonymous, above, before Cat)who has gone through your blogroll and sent pleas to read his blog to some of your avid fans. I saw Udge left him a nice comment regarding proper blogging manners, I just deleted him. Way to get around the spam password block, I guess.

 
At 17/10/05 22:36, Blogger The Lioness said...

Diana, I know, I find it unconscionable, it makes me boilimng mad as well.

Joe, I'm sure it will not take you a lot of time at all!

LI, you made that up, admit it! Also, alack? Must google it.
(You're so bloody knowlegeable!)

Paul, PAUL, HULLO!!! So nice to see you here! I've missed your presence so much. Amer-Asian, WTH? She deserves to lose a few PC teeth of choice. Cow. Will download Kinks and will report back. [I'm avoiding you and Mole again, please don't be annoyed that I'm not answering emails or even aknowledging them, I'll come round to reading your emails eventually, it's simply... Well your words, you know how it is.]

Cat, they have been dealt with. Bloody annoying little things.You will be in mine.

*cheesier gooeyer internet hug*

Everyone, I have had enough of anons, anons are no longer allowed. I didn't do it sooner bcs of the few friends who don't have blogs and sometimes comment. Well Friends, take 3 minutes to create one if it's that important to you.
Also, you want to say Hi, say it but kindly make your blog public. Otherwise it's a bit too schizoid, all these disembodied voices. You want to suggest a site, do it politely, with a name. People have ones, or at least make up an alias. Otherwise you will find yourself very much gone as an ether entity. That is why there are 2 comments less here. Oops.

 
At 17/10/05 22:46, Blogger The Lioness said...

Diana, we seem to have been writing this at the same time. I did visit briefly and well, least said... Proper blog manners, YES THERE IS SUCH A THING!

 
At 18/10/05 00:15, Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

Lioness, it did cross my mind that 'alack' would not translate into Portie, let alone 21st Century English. It's from Shakespeare's 'Hamlet,' from Ophelia's song, Act IV, I believe. The next line is, 'Young men will do it if they come to it, By cock they are to blame!' Which was very humorous when I was in school.

Then she goes off and drowns herself.

 
At 18/10/05 04:15, Blogger twisteddragonfly said...

Hi, Johnny. Will be thinking of you on the 19th and only you will truly know why and how much. Nothing I can do but send you hugs. You know where I'm at.

 
At 18/10/05 05:44, Blogger Henri-V said...

Yay for the International Human Genome Project. It does bother me that only the top strata of society will have access to treatments that will benefit them and their progeny -- in the beginning at least, and who knows how long that will be. I *hate* trickle-down medicine (hello, Africa!), because who is the body to be held acountable for the disparities in access across nations? (let's find the altruistic alleles first and tweak as many embryos as possible... maybe then the planet will have a chance.)

Strength for Wednesday. Hug your man and animals.

 
At 18/10/05 10:44, Blogger The Lioness said...

Lorem, I intuitively decided to read "alack" as "alas" and the English language seems to applaud said decision. It is indeed the same! I will have to use it loads now. [I could never read Shakespeare. *beats chest*]

TD, I know, thank you.

Henri-V, agreed, very good thing. Cystic Fibrosis has been revolutionised, for example. Not all may find it ethical but really, anything that reduces someone's suffering without increasing someone else's is perfectly fine in my book.

 
At 18/10/05 16:50, Blogger CarpeDM said...

Huh. I wonder what is wrong with me. Maybe I'm vertically challenged? Because I'm sure if I was only, say, 10 feet taller, I'd be the right weight for my height.

Snow White and the Seven Gnomes? Please. Now we're going to have the gnomes after us. They can be quite tricky when upset.

Have I mentioned that I adore you when you go on these vants? Because I do.

 
At 18/10/05 20:00, Blogger Udge said...

If I may venture to offer a suggestion: read back to the post where you asked us all to send a comment to Uzi's mom. He is remembered. Lots of big hugs from Germany.

 
At 18/10/05 22:14, Blogger wessel said...

I will be thinking of you (and Uzi's mother and family) tomorrow, which is Wednesday in our part of the world.

"May we know only joy, and no more sorrow."

 
At 18/10/05 22:27, Blogger brooksba said...

How timely is this post? Quite. I just spent two days (argh! Not sunlight!) in a training class about diversity. I did enjoy the class because it did not talk about PC, but about learning to live with diversity. It's a fact. Creating special names for people does not fix problems and only creates more barriers in communication. It is appropriate to be respectful and gain knowledge about differences.

I don't know. I'm just going on about this class. I loved this post and I adore you when you vant (actually, I adore you all the time).

I'm thinking about you tomorrow. Uzi is remembered and loved around the world because of you. If you need me, I'm here.

Beijos repenicados

 

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